This begger got some money from me

I was riding the subte (subway) here today, and it was hot and crowded. It was 90, 92 humid degrees or so today, and there's no such thing as air conditioning in the subte. So, it was a kind of uncomfortable ride.

I hear a begger giving her speech down the car, but I can't see her. This is unusual, because you don't really get beggers on the subte here. You get tons of people selling things, all kinds of things. They have a funny technique, where they go up and down the car, and place the book, toy, hair clip, or whatever in everybody's lap or hand it to everybody, and then they go back and either pick up the item or if they're lucky the cash that someone is willing to part with. These men and women, boys and girls, definitely hustle, they are working, make no mistake about it.

So it was unusual to hear someone just asking for money. I couldn't hear/understand much of what she said, but she definitely said something about an operation in a hospital.

My New York wariness kicks in somewhat, but I don't want to be too cold here, so I take a look down the car to get a look at her between the people standing if I can. And right away, when I see her, I know I'm taking out the wallet. Because ... her whole face is burned off. Seriously, melted. After a while she made her way back down to our end, and I got a much better look as I handed her ten pesos (3 bucks or so). Her face was all melted, her ears were gone, they were just holes, and her whole scalp was gone, except for a patch in the very back where she had eight-inch long hair growing in a ponytail.

As she came closer, I saw that it wasn't just her face. Her arms were totally scarred, and, I hate to say it, she didn't have either hand. Both hands, gone. Stumps at the wrist, or slightly above. You couldn't hand her money, you had to put it in a little purse she had around her neck.

God, it breaks my heart just writing about it. Lord knows it set off a torrent of thinking about fate and merit and fairness and charity etc. etc. etc. etc., which you will be thankful to hear I won't bore you with here.

But what impressed me most about this woman, when she came by and I got a look at her face, we made some eye contact and she was very not self-conscious, it seemed she had made her peace with her condition. Later I thought, fuck, this woman is so much tougher than me.

One last detail, perhaps the most interesting. When I looked at this woman, with face seriously deformed, and no hands, I realized she was wearing eye makeup. It was kind of inspiring, she actually moved through the car with confidence. Like I said, fuck, this woman is tougher than me.

I hope I see her on the subte again -- I will give her more than a ten next time.